Today I returned some of my retail therapy purchases. This is how I work. I buy shit on a day where I feel like buying shit and then return the shit later when I realize I’m wasting my money.
My mom does this too. I have a lot of childhood memories of being at malls with her. She’s pretty good about returning shit and getting her money back. When I do it it almost feels like I’m making money in some twisted way.
My mind: wow! $110 back in my account! Amazing!
But reality: I almost threw $110 away because I was feeling insecure that one day.
Today I took some make up back to Macy’s. I don’t even wear make up! Well, I mean, not on a regular basis, I don’t. The whole reason I walked up to the Benefit counter was because back in college I bought some of their face powder called Georgia Peach. I think I’ve had the stuff ten years and use it all the times when I do feel like wearing make up and it’s only just now finally getting to the part where I can see the bottom of the little box. Almost ten years later and I’m finally running out! So I walked up to the counter and turns out they stopped making the stuff and instead the woman at the counter tries to prove that the regular foundation is just as good and after putting that crap all over my face she shows me the me in the mirror and I got so insecure about dark circles under my eyes that I bought some of the other crap to use for that part of the face. That tiny tube was almost 30 bucks!!!!
After a few days of hanging out with dogs and babies I no longer care about the shade of the half inch space beneath my eyeballs. So today I took that tiny $30 tube back to Macy’s.
Who shops at Macy’s anyway? I did because I was working downtown and there was one there. Today I returned it at a Macy’s that’s in a shopping center that also has a target because well, yeah, I had some other stuff to go back there too. This Macy’s is much smaller than the one downtown. And therefore carries a lot less crap. After I returned that tiny tube the woman tells me as an aside that I should try and always return to the same Macy’s because they don’t all carry the same crap. When someone returns something they don’t carry they have to just throw it away. In my head that sounds like a Macy’s problem not a my problem. Then she told me about how yesterday a woman returned $300 worth of Chanel crap and they had to throw it all away. I asked why she didn’t just get to take it all home and that offended her, I think. She let out a gasp and an oh no, we’d never! I didn’t want her to feel bad by that suggestion so then I just laughed awkwardly and said something about how maybe the Freegans got it instead.
Could you picture that? Dumpster diving your way into all that crappy make up and perfume!?